There’s something bittersweet about commencement.

It’s funny how, now that I sit down to write, I don’t quite know how I feel about it all. I’m a few days removed from commencement now. And I’m realizing just how many confusing emotions graduation brings out. It’s a bittersweet event. Within the moment it didn’t feel quite so for me, but in retrospect it kind of does. Just a little.

So much pomp and circumstance and symbolism. We move the tassels I suppose to symbolize our moving from one place to another. I think. I actually don’t have any idea why we do that, but it’s got some meaning. It must. But it’s just funny how we see our classmates walk, we walk, we shake hands and get our diplomas, we all take pictures holding our diplomas, we all celebrate our getting our degrees, but it’s an empty diploma holder. We all ready have the diploma, so we only walk for the symbolism of it all and for the sake of the moment.

It goes to show you the importance of symbolism in our culture, and how much society actively celebrates academics and strives to recognize that it’s something of value and importance. I’m not really disagreeing with any of it, but there is something funny about there being no actual diploma in the ceremony.

Every graduation is a whole sea of caps and gowns, and a sea of faces as well. Hundreds of people, sometimes thousands, some of whom you’ve never even seen prior to that moment where you realize you’re all graduating from the same institution. It’s strange knowing that you have shared the independent experience of going to the same school, yet you never really feel that sense of connect with all those other people until that final moment where you realize you’re all graduating together.

Some of my classmates I’m likely to see again here and there, but the majority I’m likely to never see again. At least for a very long while, until some distant day where we might cross paths again somewhere down the line.

I had all ready graduated in December, but there was this curious finality about going to the ceremony itself. It drew a line in the sand for me, and made it more tangible that a period of time was officially done in my life. Something I was all ready good with. But it’s just a different feeling to have it ended with an elaborate celebration instead of having it ended by just not going there anymore. I was debating whether or not I should in the weeks leading up considering I didn’t feel much of an urge to celebrate, but I’m glad I walked.

It’s over, my undergrad career is a wrap. It’s been a wrap. My right contact just suddenly rolled up into my eye and burns like hellfire, so I’ll take that as a sign from God that I’m rambling too much. I’ll wrap up the post commenting on how they call it “commencement” instead of just graduation. I’m now reminded of a saying I’ve recently heard, which is something to the effect that it’s called commencement because it’s not an end, it’s a beginning. As something good is about to commence within your life.

I like that paradigm. Hopefully this is the start of something positive for all of us.

Best wishes to all the other graduates out there!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I want to spend this post talking about how I wish I could forget how Mayweather beat Pacquiao on Saturday.

That’s a musical montage of clips from Eternal Sunshine. Beautiful video. Somewhat unrelated to my train of thought, but this video conveys my mood after the fight. So many memories of great Pacquiao fights ;(

For those who have not yet seen this movie, watch it. It’s a master piece of a film with its own unique heart-breaking ambiance and dream like feel. It’s not for the faint of heart. I was reminded of it as I drove home for an hour after watching the fight through the types of back roads that trigger introspection and daydreaming, and I thought about how I wanted to just forget that Pacquiao lost the biggest fight of his career. Shouldn’t affect me but it does as a fan. He’s still a Hall of Famer, but his legacy will always be he was the guy who everybody thought could beat Mayweather, but who could not. More hugging and defensive fighting than I would like, but that’s Mayweather he knows how to score points win rounds and box smart. He deserved the win.

My viewing experience of Pacquiao Mayweather was negative on a few levels, but it was nice watching it with a lot of people. I tend to enter an unexpected emotional maelstrom every time I watch a live Pacquiao fight, which overall clouds my judgment. I just love that guy too much. They’re both rich though so really nobody loses besides the boxing fans for not getting as much action as would have been nice. It all really doesn’t matter in a few days. People all ready don’t care anymore since the fight was so boring. And nobody wants to talk about it, almost like nobody has an opinion about it anymore. And why does nobody have an opinion about it anymore? Is it really just because everybody was so insulted by the fight getting so hyped up and then not living up to that hype at all and being so boring? Or is it something else entirely?

My mind was in conspiracy mode on Saturday night as Pacquiao was fighting. I thought the ref Kenny Bayless was letting Mayweather hug too much, and Bayless really was especially early on that dick. And I’ve all ready accepted he lost, after watching the fight again and watching him get jabbed in the face once or twice every ten seconds, perfectly countered here and there. Mayweather doesn’t knock people out he just pisses people off because nobody can hit him clean and he throws precise counters without brawling. It makes for a dull fight. But dammit why won’t anybody talk about the fight? Nobody wants to talk about it, oh my God.

Oh my God. It’s almost like the doctor from this movie who erases memories just went by everybody’s homes in the night with his creepy assistants (basically creepy alternate universe versions of The Hulk and Frodo) and took our every recollection of the fight. Nobody remembers there was a fight anymore. Maybe that guy could get to every house in one night, maybe. If Santa can do it that guy can do it.

Maybe Santa did. Maybe that guy’s Santa. Could it be oh my God.

I’m all ready forgetting what I’m really trying to say with this post. I’m all ready forgetting, what’s happening oh my goodness.

Oh my God maybe that guy just came by and erased my memory mid-type, set me back in my chair, and made me forget what the hell I was saying. Holy shit.


Versatile Blogger Award

It’s pretty cool to get these blog awards because it means that fellow bloggers enjoy the writing I’m doing. In this case I was nominated by the very talented SherinaSpeaks!

You can visit her awesome blog at

Thanks for the nomination Sherina!

Here are the rules for this award:

1) Thank the person who gave you this award.

2) Include a link to their blog.

3) Nominate up to 15 bloggers for the award.

4) Give 7 facts about yourself

And so the random facts begin.

1. My favorite basketball player is Derrick Rose. He and I also share the same birthday, which makes me partly believe that we are kindred spirits. I’ll pretend you’re not laughing at that last sentence while I also let you know part of me believes the mistakes I make in my life lead to disastrous effects on Derrick Rose’s basketball career, a connection I believe is both ridiculous as well as surprisingly consistent throughout my life, the details of which shall remain vague for blogging purposes, and a connection which I feel is slowly being transferred to Andrew Wiggins. And yes you guessed right my second favorite basketball player is Andrew Wiggins and my previous favorite basketball player was Steve Nash. There’s three facts you didn’t care about knowing for one fact you didn’t care about knowing BOOM take that, eat it, mmmmm, delicious. Moving on.

2. I love Smoothies. I enjoy pretty much all variations of fresh fruit smoothies. I try ridiculous fruit combinations and they always end up tasting spectacular, but mango must be in all of them, as the background taste of mango is the greatest of all background tastes. I have also found that the Amish make delicious smoothies go figure

3. My favorite boxer is Pacquiao. He’s just so awesome and lovable and I will indeed do a Pacquiao vs. Mayweather post next week before the fight because Godammit I may never get another chance to write a timely post about Pacquiao, AKA the most lovable sports athlete in history.

4. I play the piano. I started when I was young, stopped for like a long ass time, then picked it back up in college for therapeutic purposes. It sets my mind at ease during those days where I just need to zone out and not think too hard.

5. I love history. Pretty much anything from the start of civilization to now, it all excites me. I think I love history because of the way it shows what things are possible, both good and bad. Matter of fact I love all history, go back to the dawn of time till now, till future nows, man history’s the bomb YEAH FUCK YEAH *fistpump*

6. I love to read BBC World News. I almost never go to other news websites, I just feel like the Brits understand good journalism. And they have no incentive for any sort of political spin on American issues. I have a need for getting unbiased political news, especially on the national scale, and the BBC provides just that for me

7. I can’t whistle.

I next nominate for the award!

Thanks so much for reading my blog guys! Stay tuned next week I’m going to be putting up a post about Pacquiao Mayweather! Feel free to like comment and subscribe!


I have an irrational fear of sinkholes.

I know I know, they’re horrifying, I agree. I completely agree, imagine feeling the ground around you sink just on a regular ass day?

Like you just go into your friendly neighborhood Starbucks, realize it’s a little too pricy, then travel a couple extra blocks to get into the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts for an iced coffee. Nice, score, triumph. Delicious coffee and caffeine. Fantastic all around. You go outside, observe a few passing pedestrians, ponder life as you watch a dog piss on a fire hydrant, you smile and walk over to the crosswalk. You jaywalk across the street, smile shy to a passerby who keeps eye contact longer than expected, check your texts as you sip your coffee with your other hand, think you’re having the most regular day ever then WHAM!

You feel your leg drop into a depression, as if its been caught by a Walker from the Walking Dead. But instead of a zombie, you get caught by a sudden hole in the ground, which grows exponentially all around you as if God Himself wants to swallow you into the Earth, and you meet your demise in that dark and sudden abyss.

I’ll wait for you to stop shivering in the corner at the thought of it all. Go on, it’s okay it’s just a hypothetical story, you’re safe now shhhh shhhhhhh.

That’s basically my inner monologue every time I get thinking about sinkholes. Tell me that’s not a terrifying thought. Sure there are far more pressing concerns, but something about all of that just strikes me as deeply disturbing.

There’s limestone and sandstone and carbonate rock being built upon just about everywhere. Everywhere. Then some passing ground water comes on by, all unassuming and gentle over years and years, just a wandering stream through a thirsty world. Then after several years maybe decades have passed, that stream’s made itself a gigantic hole. So it can swallow up your gotdamn car.

The more I think about it the less irrational this fear feels to me, though one should never live in fear. Even the people in the Walking Dead go on living after everything has fallen apart around them. I don’t think it’s too far a jump to say that sinkholes are just as pressing a threat to humanity and society as we now recognize it as a zombie apocalypse.

I’m of course being ridiculous, but sinkhole awareness is something we should all have. Not that I have any idea what to do about it, just trying to inception a personal fear into all of you. I’ll leave you with an extensive sinkhole compilation I’m just now looking up on youtube, oh my God, for your viewing horror.

My God I didn’t even realize that a situation where somebody falls into a sinkhole during a regular ass day actually happened until I just saw this video literally just now while trying to find a video to end this blog post on. Oh my God. If you’re all ready afraid of sinkholes after reading this far, don’t watch that video above. I don’t want you to have nightmares like I’m about to.

*shivers and clumsily hits ‘close’ on youtube browser*

Real Neat Blog Award

This is pretty cool this is the first time that I’ve been nominated for anything as a blogger

I was nominated by the hiddendragonn! Be sure to check their blog out at

Thanks so much hiddendragonn!

There are rules for this award, and these are as follows:

– Insert the award logo onto your post (which is the blue image you see above)
– Answer the seven questions they asked you.
– Thank the blogger who nominated you.
– Nominate other bloggers and ask them seven questions and let them know you have nominated them!

Here are my answers to hiddendragonn’s questions:

1.) What is the achievement you are the most proud of?

At this current moment, I would say the thing I am most happy about having done is having finished a manuscript. It took a lot more out of me to create that story than I was expecting, I didn’t know going in that writing a book could be such a grueling endeavor. Reluctant to call it an achievement until it gets published, but that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

2.) What is your biggest regret?

I prefer living without regrets, but if there is one trait within me I regret it’s all moments that I have been indecisive. I hate indecision within myself, and I regret ever having allowed myself to be indecisive in my life.

3.) What do you consider as “sexy”?

I’d say confidence.

4.) What was one of the most awkward moments in your life?

After I had an appendectomy for a ruptured appendix many years ago, I kept looking down at my stitches that were right below my belly button and inside my shorts because they were bothering me as I moved around at a park for a church event. People that didn’t know I had surgery gave me weird glances.

5.) If you could have a superpower what would it be?

Teleportation. I love the idea of never being confined to one area, and just having the freedom and capability to roam wherever I please anywhere on the planet with reckless abandon. It would sure help to cure my growing wanderlust.

6.) Who are your top 5 favorite villains (from movies, literature, history, anything) and of course, why?)

Joffrey: I loved to hate that guy on Game of Thrones. It’s ironic because Jack Gleeson is such a kind person in real life but on the show he’s so despicable. He made Joffrey feel like a true spoiled kid who got too much power without any clear idea of what good to do with it besides do whatever the hell he felt like. So easy to hate.

Joker: A common one (it’s almost cliché to say it) but it’s just the way he doesn’t care about losing anything that makes him so terrifying. Without Heath Ledger’s rendition of the Joker, The Dark Knight would be half the movie it is.

Voldemort: Because he was probably the greatest wizard of all time. Shame he was a complete evil psychopath. I found it interesting how he was always being beaten by his hubris, especially in regards to his dealings with Harry. He made that series. Voldemort was a specter that hovered over the entire wizarding world every book and threatened to shatter everything they valued should he return to power.

White Walkers: Game of Thrones is heavy on my mind, and I really just want to know who the hell these characters are. I think it’s the mix of my speculations as to their true nature and my notions of what they will mean for the show moving forward that makes me place them here. White Walkers could really throw a monkey wrench into things. They probably won’t be pure evil, but for lots of characters they’ll likely be the villains.

Zombies in Walking Dead: I just really think the Walking Dead is a well made show, and it all wouldn’t be possible without those jump-scare-inducing, persistently hungry, mindless zombies

7.) Who is the person you look up to the most?

Though he’d long since passed well before I ever got to breathing, I look up to Mark Twain the most among all authors as an inspiration for my writing

And I nominate JC at for the award! If you don’t want to that’s cool too just throwing it out there, it’s a tremendous blog!

The 7 questions:

  1. What is the achievement you are the most proud of?
  2. Where do you want to live if you got a chance to move permanently?
  3. What’s your favorite color and why?
  4. Who is your favorite movie villain? (from movies, literature, history, anything) and of course, why?
  5. Who is the person you look up to the most?
  6. What is one of your favorite quotes and why?
  7. If you could have any superpower what would it be?

Hope you guys enjoyed the post! If you didn’t, it’s a free country let me have it!

Game of Thrones (No spoilers besides ramblings on general trends in the show)

Sidenote: This picture gives a very poor impression of what the current season is like

Well the chaos is back on television for the people of Westeros and the people of that other continent whatever its name is. I won’t be revealing any spoilers within this post besides general trends in the show, my own pondering over the show’s draw as well as what the past of the show implies about the show’s future.

The show depicts a fantasy world akin to the world created by JRR Tolkien in Lord of the Rings. So there clearly is a draw to fantasy in large, immersive worlds such as these. George RR Martin created something that sort of blends Tolkien’s fantasy with much more sinister, Machiavellian characters. Hundreds of characters, and each character carries a unique backstory. And the show has created such a vast world where it seems primarily the most ruthless end up winning, that you wonder how the show can ever end in a satisfying way.

Which brings me to my main point, will this show have a satisfying ending? I understand that not everybody can be pleased by a show’s end. And in no way shape or form am I arguing whether or not George RR Martin is a great writer. I think he’s brilliant. To keep straight all these inter-tangled plot lines and to write out results which make sense while factoring in each person’s individual interests, you wonder how his head doesn’t explode. I’m in the minority of people who actually feels sympathy for George RR Martin’s glacial writing pace, because I understand how difficult that must be crafting something so solid and with so many logical twists and turns, all the while trying to have it culminate in something meaningful.

The show reflects certain realities of existence. One of which is the fact that the good don’t always thrive, and the bad don’t always thrive either. It appears to be those who position themselves without exclusive regards to morality but rather primarily with regards to the realities of cause and effect in politics and interpersonal relationships who appear to consistently be the victors, a somewhat depressing message.

At this rate, with the show structured at present, they could make it so it never ends. But I know that won’t happen since they’ve already said it will end. So the only way to end the show must be to introduce other beings within the plot line of supernatural power that can act as a sort of etch-a-sketch shake, erasing much of what the show’s built up. Burning things down to allow a new world to rise up from the ashes, like a phoenix from the flame.

Anything of that nature is a delicate task to make believable without betraying the basic concepts which have made the show so popular in the first place. Among them the subtle interplay between the characters, the building up of plot lines before ripping you in new directions (you’ll get whiplash with this show if you’re not ready) and the sparse use of magic. Killing people in mass just feels like too heavy a hand for a show that has taken such surgical care to make every death feel meaningful. And I worry that the show will go in the direction of much more magic=much more death (spoiler alert, people die in this show). Much of the show is spent wondering where people’s loyalties and intentions lie, and then all of the sudden oh shit there’s magic. Magic gets used as a tactic for surprising the viewers, but the future of the show looks like magic will have a much more consistent role, which may harm its shock value.

I’m hitting that point where I’m part rambling part tempted to spoil certain things, though the books and the show haven’t quite hit this point I’m alluding to just yet. I digress.

George RR Martin himself said the end would be bittersweet, so I’m bracing myself for it. All in all it’s a great show with plenty of political intrigue and it seems like nobody can watch it without feeling one character who you want to root for, just be careful caring too much.

I’ll end the post with a nice cover of the theme song from Boyce Avenue. Enjoy the music!

Red Pandas

This feels like an optimal moment to remind everybody about how awesome and adorable red pandas are.

Arguably the derpiest creatures in the animal kingdom, red pandas spend the majority of their time in random mischief and bumping their faces into walls and other solid objects. They dislike the inherent ‘red panda unfriendliness’ of doors, as they can never seem to open the damn things. And it is a common goal of red pandas to climb at least one human per day, especially humans with snacks.

Their voices are unexpectedly high pitched, and they engage in regular gymnastic routines when bored, as is evidenced at approximately 1:34 in the above video.

Pumpkins are the arch rivals of the red panda. Their primary attack against said rivals is a face smash, where they smash their face into the pumpkin as many times as possible to wear down the pumpkin’s defenses. In moments where smashes fail, they attack with affectionate hugs.

On occasion, red pandas reach moments of epiphany, and begin to believe that they are actually humans. In these moments of epiphany the red pandas regularly begin to philosophize on existentialism and ponder the various mathematical moral dilemmas presented by game theory. These bouts of human thought and activity carry on for sprints of about five seconds, and in these moments they even try to walk upright, but they inevitably fall flat on their sides once reality brings them back to the fact that they are, indeed, red pandas.

It is known that red pandas have a deep fascination with hats. Though the moral code of the red panda community regularly advocates ‘do not steal,’ red pandas have great difficulty obeying this simple commandment when within a paw’s reach of a nice, grey baseball cap. This fact also holds true when red pandas are in the vicinity of trays of food, they can’t keep away.

I’m launching a petition online for us to re-populate the nearest earthlike planet with red pandas. A vessel containing red panda fetuses will spend many a millennia floating through the cosmos until they land at their destination. The planet will be terraformed and subsequently re-populated exclusively with red pandas, along with some nice plants. There will be robots with cameras on the vessel as well, and videos of the red pandas on their newfound planet will be sent back to Earth for the enjoyment of future generations. This petition can be signed by hitting the follow button on my blog. Likes also count as signatures, and there are several posts on my blog now, so feel free to sign as many times as you want for a world run by red pandas.

All joking aside, red pandas are some of the most magnificent animals in the world in my eyes, and they never fail to brighten my day. Hopefully they can brighten yours as well! 🙂

And in response to the probable question in your head, yes my blogs posts can be deeply random.

I Believe

This is by far one of the best songified videos I’ve ever seen, thank ya kindly PBS.

I’ve always found Bob Ross’s painting videos interesting because he was apparently a drill sergeant in the military and had to scream at people all day every day and next boot camp.

Then he was so calm when he painted on his TV show. What a contrast.

I get the feels when I listen to this songified Bob Ross episode. It resonates with me not only because the musical accompaniment to his songified voice works so well, but also because I feel that there are parallels between the way he describes painting and the way I, and I would think most writers, experience writing.

You’re the creator. You find freedom on the canvas. And there is so much you can do with that freedom. Fluff it, a touch, a push, so many color combinations, so many endless options.

In writing, you find freedom in the blank screen. There are no limits. There are no rules. It’s you against a blinking cursor until it gets done. So many stories to tell, so many ways to go about writing them. And once you get into the right flow, and stop over-analyzing your every action, it can go on and on and on.

You start by believing here (points to noggin) because if you don’t believe that you can write, you won’t ever be able to.

If you can’t get past that self-doubt, if you don’t beat out that background sound of negativity with the sound of the keyboard clacking, you’ll be in a bad spot.

You need to have faith, and take that leap into your mind.

The reality I guess is that much of the positive advice in the video carries parallels to a lot of different things in life. Many different endeavors, different ambitions, could draw inspiration from a video like this one.

But I definitely know that every day’s a good day when you write.

And whatever you want to do in life, whatever arena it is, you can do it too. Find freedom in that knowledge.

I believe.

Don’t be a stranger! Feel free to like, comment and follow if you’re not all ready 🙂


I was suddenly struck today by the profound realization that it had been quite some time since I had eaten a Snickers bar.

I ate them always as a kid. I ate them always as a teenager. But in recent years, I honestly can’t remember the last year I ate one.

It left me wondering how much our tastes change over the years, and how differently our minds and desires operate as we grow older. Or rather, how much these tastes get nudged in new directions by the endless onslaught of advertisements that bombard our brains. I hadn’t even thought about eating a Snickers in a while. But suddenly today as I was taking a shower, I felt an urge to eat just go eat a Snickers.

And it all sparked from me being confused about how the hell the Snickers marketing campaign got the Brady Bunch to actually look like they were pushing their product.

It left me with a secondary realization that effective marketing really is the difference between an impulse buy of a Snickers over every other fucking candy on that shelf. Companies need to reach and tickle another layer of your consciousness to influence you in those moments where you think you’re making a judgment all by yourself.

Everyday as the years stack on, I am more and more convinced of an obvious yet still profound reality of our society. We all ready know it. But we’d all do well to remember it.

Marketing is power.

You first must fall

Today is a significant day for me, in that I received my first rejection letter today from a literary agent.

I’m reluctant to put this post on my blog for several reasons. First and foremost, because at the rate that I’ve been blogging I don’t have regular viewers, and so it’s clear that as of now nobody’s going to even read it. Secondly, the current primary purpose of my blogging is for cathartic release so I can find some improved direction through the chaos of my ramblings, that I might get some peace of mind knowing that I’m in a state of action instead of dejection and complacency. And I don’t necessarily need to put that up online to get that experience. Thirdly, this type of article will likely not be interesting to most people that are not writers, and I am still searching for what type of identity my blog should eventually take.

And as another strange way of me sublimating this depressing yet partly expected surge of negativity, I’ve decided to make a decision between two choices. Of course, our choices are close to infinite in reality. You never have only two choices in any given circumstance, but we reduce our choices to a few distinct selections to better grant structure to our lives, and create clearer direction. And I’m reminded of a scene from Fight Club where Tyler Durden mentions to Edward Norton’s character, that they can either kick fight club up a notch or shut it down for good. They were at a plateau in their journey. I’m at a plateau in my journey. I can either kick my writing up a notch, or shut it down. And if I might reduce the options even further, shutting it down is not an option for me. I need to write. I need it for my own sanity. It’s not so much a desire as it is a necessity now.

That’s one rejection letter from a literary agent. I’m sure there will be more to come. I’ll need to re-think my plan to a writing career. And I may need to parse down the word count of the manuscript (250,000+ words might be too much). And I’ll need to build up a better writing platform. And I’ll need to keep working on my new novel, making sure to keep it closer to 100,000 words. And if there are other writers out there who read this who are having a similar experience, I wish you the best of luck on your way to literary success.

All in all, before you rise, you first must fall.

I can feel myself falling. I’m willing to write and fall better. Let’s fall some more.