You first must fall

Today is a significant day for me, in that I received my first rejection letter today from a literary agent.

I’m reluctant to put this post on my blog for several reasons. First and foremost, because at the rate that I’ve been blogging I don’t have regular viewers, and so it’s clear that as of now nobody’s going to even read it. Secondly, the current primary purpose of my blogging is for cathartic release so I can find some improved direction through the chaos of my ramblings, that I might get some peace of mind knowing that I’m in a state of action instead of dejection and complacency. And I don’t necessarily need to put that up online to get that experience. Thirdly, this type of article will likely not be interesting to most people that are not writers, and I am still searching for what type of identity my blog should eventually take.

And as another strange way of me sublimating this depressing yet partly expected surge of negativity, I’ve decided to make a decision between two choices. Of course, our choices are close to infinite in reality. You never have only two choices in any given circumstance, but we reduce our choices to a few distinct selections to better grant structure to our lives, and create clearer direction. And I’m reminded of a scene from Fight Club where Tyler Durden mentions to Edward Norton’s character, that they can either kick fight club up a notch or shut it down for good. They were at a plateau in their journey. I’m at a plateau in my journey. I can either kick my writing up a notch, or shut it down. And if I might reduce the options even further, shutting it down is not an option for me. I need to write. I need it for my own sanity. It’s not so much a desire as it is a necessity now.

That’s one rejection letter from a literary agent. I’m sure there will be more to come. I’ll need to re-think my plan to a writing career. And I may need to parse down the word count of the manuscript (250,000+ words might be too much). And I’ll need to build up a better writing platform. And I’ll need to keep working on my new novel, making sure to keep it closer to 100,000 words. And if there are other writers out there who read this who are having a similar experience, I wish you the best of luck on your way to literary success.

All in all, before you rise, you first must fall.

I can feel myself falling. I’m willing to write and fall better. Let’s fall some more.